Thursday, September 24, 2009


I'm feeling all inspired by my bloggy-friend Kim. She is struggling (I was going to say battling, but that sort of implies more physical work than being on bedrest - you know) with troubles in a difficult pregnancy. She's winning. Baby C is growing. But it's not easy for Kim, of course. And she's doing an amazing job of continuing her job as blog-inspiration-mama.

Her post today (except it was posted yesterday, at some point after I visited) talks about validation - specifically validating her own sadness and suffering. It made me think of a thing I've thought before. Want to know what it is?

One of the greatest compliments I can give a person is to believe that they have a struggle that is at least as big a deal as any I'm going through. I have a tendency to see these remarkable, beautiful, strong women around me and think (very quietly) well, of course she has it all together. Of course her house is clean and her kids' bangs are trimmed and her PTA work is done and her meals are balanced - because she doesn't struggle like I do. Her life is just EASY.

And you know what? That's mean. It's wrong. It's inaccurate. And it doesn't do me (or anyone else) any good.

There is something going on. I have no idea what it is. But just because this one has perfect kids, I shouldn't assume that her heart is light. Just because that one has a great car, I shouldn't figure that her family never has money concerns. Just because this one, from the back, doesn't even look pregnant when she's about to deliver, I shouldn't assume that this pregnancy is any easier than any of mine were. Just because that one laughs so easily, well, it doesn't mean that she doesn't have a huge disappointment hiding behind her smile.

I am trying to give the benefit of the doubt here. I will assume that there are aches. There are worries. There are heartbreaks in every life, and somehow I can channel a little comfort in that direction just by recognizing that fact.


  1. Amen. It important to stop comparing ourselves to others--even our trials/struggles. Everyone has challenges or hurts or disappointments and to each person they are HARD. Offering help and compassion are far more helpful (for us & them) than criticism and judgment. Very well said.

  2. I love how you extended this concept of validation to include the hidden struggles and sufferings that we don't and can't know anything about. How much more love and compassion would there be in this world if we could, every moment, look at everyone with that in mind? You said that so beautifully.

  3. You and Kim are both very wise and very compassionate. It's little wonder that I love both your blogs.


If you want to say it, I want to hear it. Bring it on.