Here's where one facet of my problem lies.
I have convinced myself that I will deserve to feel good about me when I am XX pounds and size 8. (I almost wrote XX again, but I really, really don't want to be that size!) But I need to have a different goal. The final is nice, and I think even reachable if I give up all things tasty, but there has to be something more consistent. I need to be able to say to me, at least a few times a week, "Go, you. Good job. You may now feel good about yourself."
I say that when I do a good job exercising, but I have been woefully deficient in exercise consistency. So I need to retake control of that. I choose how I move during the day. If I want to feel good about me, I need to choose to move more than I don't.
I say that when I make good food choices (but more often when I avoid the bad ones). This is not my best talent. I am, in fact, really good at baking and cooking all things butter-based. Bread included, because, duh - who wants bread without butter? And I know this about me - I show my love, both inside my home and abroad, with white flour and sugar. And caramel. And more butter.
I say that when I fit into clothes I love. I say it when I surprise myself with a good hair day. I say it when I have a photo taken that looks better than reality. So I need to decide to do the things that will earn those words every day. Every day I should choose to earn some love for my own self. By walking more, being in the sun more, eating fresh crunchy things more...
I'm going outside now - see ya.