I wish I could just feel confident. I wish that I didn't fret. But I do, like an old woman, flitting from one unfinished project to the next, worrying.
About what someone thinks.
Or many someones.
Recently I've been assigned a new church job. We get these changes every couple years, and everybody gets an opportunity to help out. The job becomes official Sunday, and I haven't yet heard if the ladies I've asked to serve with me are willing. That was a very ugly sentence, but the gist is, I haven't heard anyone say, Yay! Thanks for asking for me!
So, naturally, I assume that when they met with the Bishop (pastor, minister, whatever you want to call him) they said, Well, we're always happy to serve, but does it have to be with Becca?
Most of me knows that is ridiculous.
But there is that other, non-most part. That part that says I'm more pleasant from a distance. That part that reminds me how infrequently the phone rings. That part that reminds me that when anything important happens, I'm among the last to know.
And I can go a long time not caring about that other part. I can be fine about it, mostly. Until I really need something. And now I really need something. I need those women to want to do what they're being asked to do. I need them to love the idea, or at least see the possibility of loving the idea (which, honestly, is where I am). I need them to say (or think) this thing is hard, but together we can handle it, because we are a group of capable, good women.
Hopefully soon, either I hear it, or I realize I don't really need it. But I hope I hear it, because right now I"m pretty sure that's what I need.