Thursday, July 23, 2009


I know it's nothing earth-shattering. And it's better than it used to be. Being in the thirties has some powerful compensations. But still...

I wish I could just feel confident. I wish that I didn't fret. But I do, like an old woman, flitting from one unfinished project to the next, worrying.

About what someone thinks.

Or many someones.

Recently I've been assigned a new church job. We get these changes every couple years, and everybody gets an opportunity to help out. The job becomes official Sunday, and I haven't yet heard if the ladies I've asked to serve with me are willing. That was a very ugly sentence, but the gist is, I haven't heard anyone say, Yay! Thanks for asking for me!

So, naturally, I assume that when they met with the Bishop (pastor, minister, whatever you want to call him) they said, Well, we're always happy to serve, but does it have to be with Becca?

Most of me knows that is ridiculous.

But there is that other, non-most part. That part that says I'm more pleasant from a distance. That part that reminds me how infrequently the phone rings. That part that reminds me that when anything important happens, I'm among the last to know.

And I can go a long time not caring about that other part. I can be fine about it, mostly. Until I really need something. And now I really need something. I need those women to want to do what they're being asked to do. I need them to love the idea, or at least see the possibility of loving the idea (which, honestly, is where I am). I need them to say (or think) this thing is hard, but together we can handle it, because we are a group of capable, good women.

Hopefully soon, either I hear it, or I realize I don't really need it. But I hope I hear it, because right now I"m pretty sure that's what I need.


  1. I hope you hear it soon, too, Becca. If it helps, I'd call or volunteer to work with you. I think you're the cat's meow. =]

  2. The women I suggested be called to serve with me told me they thought I was nuts to pick them and surely there had to have been a better option. I've spent so much time reassuring THEM I keep forgetting to reassure ME. Anyway, I know exactly where you're coming from on this one, and hope you get that lovely glow of validation, and that you get to enjoy serving in your new calling.

  3. I totally know how you feel, but realize if you haven't heard negatively from the bishop - then all is probably well. It seems like it isn't until things are almost official that you know where things stand. Good luck in your new position - sounds like it is going to be a busy one (I'm just guessing).

  4. Becca who wouldn't want to serve with you!! I would give anything to serve with you! I could definitly learn so much from you. I have secretly always looked up to you. Love ya tons! You will be awesome and I am SURE those others will love getting to know you better!! It was so good to get together with you! Love ya.
    P.S. As you can see I can't are just the write though not the editor right:)?

  5. I know how you feel. I'm going through this to a lesser extent right now with just discovering that my name was the only one left off of an email inviting all my friends to do something and trying to figure out why.

    I thought I outgrew worrying about stuff like this. But I haven't.

  6. Trust me, if they're at all apprehensive about the calling, the one good thought they've got is "Well, at least I get to serve with Becca..."


If you want to say it, I want to hear it. Bring it on.