Thursday, October 8, 2009

Let it Go? Go Where?

Sometimes there's a lot to say. And sometimes there's nothing to say. And sometimes, there's so much I want to say that it gets caught in that place in the back of my throat and threatens to choke me, so I don't want to let it out, and it seems like maybe there's nothing to say after all.

Today I'm thinking a little about letting go. Do you ever worry that if you let go a little, you'll lose your grip entirely? That is rawther* terrifying to me. And sometimes I think I can do it, the loosening up, and then I can actually see things slipping away.

I work and struggle and fight to keep grips on the things that matter. Every day. And maybe I hold on too tight, and maybe I pinch and choke a little. But better to pinch a little than to see it all float away.

*Remember Eloise? The picture book, not the cleaning-advice lady.

5 comments:

  1. I hear you. Sometimes letting go is the most terrifying thing. Sometimes it's liberating. But how do you know when it's liberating or terrifying? I'm not much for cliff-diving.

    Hope you find a safe grip.

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  2. I can't even begin to tell you how much this post resonates with me.

    Yeah...that is all.

    I get it.

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  3. My fear is that if I let go of my (already limited feeling) control I'll never get it back again. There's no tangibility to it, is there? And that makes the fear all the harder to fight, I think.

    I'd rather hold on tight, too...

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  4. Um, it would be easier to let go if I had a really good filter in my head. But I don't. So I hold most of it in. OTHERS!

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If you want to say it, I want to hear it. Bring it on.